Let's talk about sex – and your self-determination!

Whether alone, in pairs, in threes, standing, sitting, lying down or a mixture of all of the above: we have sex. Sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes wilder, sometimes more tender, sometimes this way, sometimes that way. But why do we as a cosmetics brand talk about it? Because we all need to talk about it more. Of course: sex is not only good for the skin, but for the whole body and mind. As a brand, however, we stand not only for skin care and physical health, but also for emotional well-being. We want to start where we feel the need for change, where we lack the necessary empowerment, where we want to create space for self-determination.

In many conversations with friends, I realize how we are all still learning to defend our boundaries, not just when it comes to sex, but generally in situations where we have to assert ourselves. Sometimes it works better and we are real powerhouses, other times we have lost all our power and we give in. And this is exactly the point where we can hurt ourselves or even be taken advantage of. It is therefore important to get the conversation going, to explore ourselves and our feelings. In short: let's be self-determined.

Why even make sex an issue?

Sex is an area of ​​our lives in which openness, self-exploration, self-determination and self-love are not yet firmly anchored. Unfortunately, not even in 2022, long after #metoo. Not every woman* talks to her friends or even partners about what she experiences in bed, about preferences and fantasies. And, as I am repeatedly told by various male sources, men's groups do even less. An open and completely value-free discourse is so important in order to learn what really matters: to get rid of stupid clichés and create space for communication and self-determination on both sides. This should not feel uncomfortable under any circumstances. So if you have landed here, I would just like to tell you before the next few lines that it is perfectly OK to stay in your comfort zone. Sex should be fun, feel good and give you a boost of self-confidence. Getting involved in wild ventures that you are not entirely comfortable with can mean exactly that, but it never applies to everyone. Wherever you find your desire, whether inside or outside your comfort zone, just enjoy it and be self-determined in the way you express yourself.

Ask yourself: What do I like?

What turns you on? What fantasies do you have? Are there certain places or situations that you particularly enjoy? Just write it down or maybe talk about it directly. Here are a few more ideas that could help you with your personal lust list:

• Wild & adventurous?
• Romantic & sensual?
• Toys or no toys?
• Would you like a long foreplay or would you rather get straight to the point?
• Fetish preference?

We often associate “fetish” with things like licking feet or other things that are not erotic for the majority of people. But fetishes can also mean things like bondage, feathers, dominant or submissive behavior. So don’t let the stigma put you off!

Go solo!

No matter whether you are in a committed or casual relationship, whether you have regular sex or not: take care of yourself, go solo all the way! Realize that you are in control of your own pleasure, literally. Get to know yourself and your preferences better, not only to get in touch with yourself, but also to be able to tell or show your sex partners exactly what is good for you. And while we're on the subject: communicate if something doesn't feel good. Nobody gets in the mood if something happens that they don't like. Incidentally, porn is a good option if you just can't get in the mood on your own. Not all sex films are "dirty". There are completely legal and spam-free sites with all kinds of videos recorded by real couples or individuals, from domination and kink to lots of sensuality and no scripts to make you embarrassed. Find your vibe and go with the flow. Maybe even with a toy?

Do what you want – at your own pace

Just because Netflix and co are pumping out one sex series after another doesn't mean that you're "vanilla" if you come best in the missionary position and don't feel like bondage games or a threesome. Take the pressure off yourself and enjoy everything that you or the two of you enjoy together.

"No" is a complete sentence

Clearly define your boundaries and don't let your assertiveness intimidate you. Especially in casual relationships, one-night stands, but also in committed relationships, it is extremely important to represent your point of view and your desires. No means no and must be respected - by both sides, whether before or during.
There is a lot of room for negotiation between a clear yes and a clear no. About what gets you in the mood right now, how you want to have sex right now, and how you seek satisfaction right now. And the same goes for partners.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed, not to please others.

It's best to read the headline again. If you don't like something or if it even hurts, make yourself known. If you don't feel good or would rather stop, make yourself known. If you can't get enough and want your partner to do something specific, make yourself known. If you feel like doing something specific, make yourself known. Be aware of your desires. Because they are just as legitimate as any other. Be aware of your needs. Because they deserve just as much attention as everyone else's. Be aware of yourself. Because that's how you can live out your self-determination. And love to the fullest.