November 2, 2021
Period Talk: PMS & period pain - Can we even see this as a positive thing?
by Lena Severin
I'll tell you how it is: PMS is really shit. As if the period itself wasn't enough, the time before it must be damn unpleasant too. And if you've landed here in this post, I'm guessing that you're a fellow sufferer of mine and you can hear a loud "YES" in your head. But I'm not sitting here writing this post so that I can cry on behalf of all those who suffer from PMS. I'm sitting here, on the second day of my period - the absolute worst for me - and I want to take something positive out of it all. I don't know exactly what that is at this point, but let's see where the journey takes us.
Let's get the conversation going
In my circle of friends we talk a lot about topics like sex, hormones and also PMS and period pain. And I would say that at least half of them complain about more severe symptoms like mood swings, changes in eating habits, toxic thought patterns and severe pain when the critical period phase approaches. I describe myself as a hormonal bundle of nerves in the really intense PMS phases. When I traveled with my best friend for a few months, she lovingly gave my PMS alter ego the name "Tage-Lena". Unfortunately, rightly so... A big sorry goes out at this point!
On these days I just don't feel like myself at all, I'm totally insecure, I don't trust my own head, I fall into suspicious and depressive thought patterns much more quickly and I stopped making important decisions years ago when I was in such a state. The hormones have a tight grip on me and I, or we, are not alone in this. Around three quarters of the menstruating population complain of mild to severe symptoms before their period. That's a lot! We are by no means alone in this, which is somehow a small consolation. At the same time, however, it also makes me angry that in many cases life is not made easier for us under these circumstances, that we are not given more detailed information about it, that there is so much ignorance about it on the other side. I had sex education in biology class four times during my school career. I never learned what exactly happens during your period, what PMS is and, above all, how to deal with the pain. And neither did anyone in my circle of friends. But I do know exactly how sex leads to pregnancy and then finally to birth. Of course it is important to know that, but carrying and giving birth to a child is not the only process that is relevant in the biologically female body.
But no matter when and how intensely you were confronted with the topic of PMS, it is important that we keep the conversation going now. To create awareness. To generate more understanding.
Take the pressure off
I often drag myself out of the house when I have a date even though I don't feel like it. Even more often I force myself to go to the office or to my desk even though I know full well that I would feel better if I stayed in bed. And I think that this problem is at least as widespread as PMS and period pains themselves. Does it sound familiar? On the one hand, we don't want to surrender to our physical processes, limit ourselves and let the hormones win. On the other hand, our bodies show us more than clearly that it needs rest. Then we tell ourselves that we can't just make ourselves sick because we're not really sick. We're not feeling well mentally. We "only" have period pains... I think it's high time we changed this attitude. Pain and suffering are definitely reasons to take better care of yourself and to take it easy. And it's perfectly OK to cancel the date, call in sick, cancel appointments and just stay on the couch with a hot water bottle.
If you encounter a lack of understanding, it is also important to give the person space to explain themselves and to answer questions patiently. Many people who do not share this experience with us cannot imagine what is happening to us, why we may be labelled as "bitchy" or "in a bad mood". The motto is to stay calm. And if you still encounter a lack of understanding after that, do not let it put you off. Listen to your gut feeling in the truest sense of the word and do not let yourself be put under pressure, not by yourself and certainly not by anyone else.
Easier said than done, I know. Personally, I feel better in the end when I take the pressure off myself. Because we really do have control over it ourselves. The physical pain and strange thoughts that don't sound like us at all are less so. Nevertheless, there are ways and means that might be helpful for one person or another.
My tips for PMS:
In case of mental suffering:
Take some time out, because you and your well-being come first. Listen to your gut feeling! If you feel like it's too much for you, just stay at home and do something good for yourself.
If you notice that your thoughts change dramatically during your PMS phase, don't necessarily trust them. Remind yourself that your feelings are currently clouded by hormones, and that you might feel and decide differently at another time. Therefore, PMS phases are not a good time to make life-changing decisions.
Write down your thoughts, including any doubts and things you want to change in your life during this time, what you feel uncomfortable with, what worries you have. When your period is over, look at your PMS diary again and check in with yourself: Which of the things you wrote down still feel the same to you? Which things make you smile because the problem isn't that big anymore? If you're like me, most of your PMS worries are ultimately unfounded and fiction in your hormone-fogged head. Knowing that is reassuring even in the moment you think about it.
Let go of your PMS thoughts. Normally I would advise everyone to look deeper into themselves. However, in these doubtful times my mantra is: I think my thoughts and feel my feelings and I don't pay more attention to them than necessary. I prefer to save the evaluation and discussion for a time when I have a clear head. This can often prevent problems with yourself and in your relationships from the outset.
If you're feeling really bad, you feel like you're sinking into depression and just want to cry all day, do it! Cancel everything, lie down in bed, cry, let it all out. Allow the pressure to escape and when you're done, do what you feel like doing. Maybe go for a walk in the fresh air? Sit on the couch with some delicious food and watch your favorite film? Chat with friends and family? Or would you rather take a warm bath and be alone? Everything is OK as long as it makes you feel good.
If you feel like you can no longer cope with your thoughts on your own, feel overwhelmed and helpless, I would advise you to seek help. PMS is certainly a factor that clouds your head, but the fear of this time and the lack of trust in yourself makes it worse. You don't have to go through it alone. Go to your GP, talk about your worries and feelings, get a referral to a therapist or psychologist. Take the time to find the right person for you and work together to develop a strategy for the dark days. In many cases, PMS takes place in the head. And can be alleviated through conversations and new insights.
For physical pain:
Even though I am rather critical of medication and try all home and natural remedies first before resorting to conventional medicine, sometimes I can't avoid taking painkillers. You don't have to suffer all day with back, abdominal and limb pain. There are also well-tolerated options if you are sensitive. It doesn't necessarily have to be an overpriced product specifically for period pain. It's best to get advice from a pharmacy, alternative practitioner or doctor about which preparation you feel most comfortable with if, like me, you don't like taking medication.
CBD as a means of relief. I have had very good experiences with CBD drops for mild to moderate pain. You have to test the dosage for yourself, it is individual. The CBD drops from the drugstore are usually not dosed high enough for pain therapy purposes. I would therefore advise you to seek advice from a CBD shop or to ask various suppliers online. Important here: The quality of the oil should be as high as possible, free from additives, and ideally from controlled organic cultivation. There are some brands that source the hemp plants for their CBD oil from Switzerland and Germany, which of course also has an ecological advantage.
The classics: hot water bottle, fetal position, buried between blankets and pillows and waiting for the CBD or painkiller to take effect.
Despite everything, sometimes the pain is too much and nothing seems to help. I can't eat because everything hurts so much that I feel slightly nauseous. On days like that, the only thing that helps me is distraction. I listen to an interesting podcast, browse through the streaming providers and end up watching an exciting action film.
PMS viewed positively
Perhaps the positive aspect of this is that we are forced in a special way to clearly feel our limits. We learn to know ourselves and our bodies better, can judge when everything is too much, when we need to rest. And we learn to give ourselves this peace despite everyday stress, work, appointments and meetings. There are certainly a thousand nicer ways to learn this, but PMS is ours.
Let's keep the conversation going on this topic. Three quarters of us menstruating people can spread quite a wave of awareness. We can exchange ideas, share tips, recommendations and advice on treatment methods, specialists and personal experiences. We can clear up the clichés, explain our symptoms and spread understanding. And who knows, maybe we can also normalize that PMS and periods are reasons not to go to the office, to work from home if possible, or even just to call in sick. Thanks to Corona, the home office regulations are still relaxed in many areas, which makes it more pleasant for me and many of my friends. So I can sit comfortably on the sofa or at the desk with a hot water bottle in my sweatpants, feel more comfortable and can work much more productively under these circumstances than at a desk in the office.
Another very important step is that we start to take the pressure off ourselves. We don't always have to be omnipresent and on the go just because we planned to be that way. And we should stop demonizing our symptoms and perceiving them as an obstacle, but simply act on them instead of trying to ignore these signs at all costs and with pain.