June 21, 2021
Summer, sun, social anxiety
by Lena Severin
Summer has now arrived and is here to stay for a while. Temperatures are rising, incidences are falling, restaurants and bars are opening, friends and families are allowed to get together again. It feels like you can dare to take a short breath and live a little again. Maybe even almost like before Covid. Great freedom for some, the exact opposite for others. A global phenomenon: from social distancing to social anxiety. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but it affects many, no matter whether you are introverted, extroverted or somewhere in between. That's why I want to share my experiences, tips and tricks with you here to help you feel good during this "Corona summer break", especially with yourself.
- Social Anxiety: No longer a foreign word
- Normalization is needed and starts with you
- How to: Post-Lockdown Life with Social Anxiety
- Up and down, instead of up up up.
1. Social Anxiety: No longer a foreign word
The leap into public life brings with it more or less discomfort for many. Everyday life these days can be overwhelming, draining energy and difficult to overcome, especially in urban areas. Over the winter, when freedom was restricted, one's own four walls have become a feel-good nest. There was hardly anything going on outside - of course, it's cold, and everything that is fun to do in your free time was closed or banned. Images of deserted streets in otherwise busy cities went around the world. And now? At least here in Munich, the incidence rate suddenly dropped so quickly that it seemed as if outdoor restaurants were allowed to reopen overnight, and now even indoor restaurants. Public squares, familiar street corners, parks and gardens are filled with people wherever you look. Social distancing seems to have become a foreign word again. If this image makes your stomach turn, you will certainly be familiar with the term social anxiety. The discomfort, the fear of social interaction, especially in groups, takes on a whole new meaning. Psychologists report that since the easing of restrictions, their patients have increasingly spoken about problems with participating in public life again, with going out and being among people at all. But social anxiety often brings with it other stressful symptoms in addition to the actual fear.
On the one hand, there is of course the feeling of discomfort or even the fear of being around people, of social interaction, of being watched. But as if that alone did not make life difficult enough, unfortunately other thought patterns often arise:
- Feeling guilty because you can't enjoy your new freedom, even though you've wanted nothing more for months than to sit in a café or bar with friends.
- Pressure that you put on yourself because you can't be as social as you were in life before Corona.
- Jealousy or envy of people who seem to be able to seamlessly return to their previous lives without any problems and without any social anxiety.
- The feeling of being completely alone with these emotions, of not functioning properly as a human being.
- Shame for all these emotions and oppression, instead of relief and the desire for freedom.
2. Normalization is needed & starts with you
The first step is to realise that you are absolutely not alone with these feelings. Even if it seems that way when you look at the carefree gatherings. Many people may be thinking exactly the same things. I know this because I am one of these people myself. A few weeks ago I had to go shopping at lunchtime on a fairly warm and sunny Saturday, but the thought of going out, having to walk across Gärtnerplatz (a pretty popular meeting place here in Munich) and then back again, meant that I spent half the day procrastinating while the square filled up with more and more people. If my supplies hadn't been completely depleted, I think I would have let it go, but at some point I pulled myself together and was almost glad to be able to hide my face behind a mask and sunglasses. The looks of the people who were standing together with their drinks and sipping their coffee in restaurants were hard to bear. Even worse was the crowd at the traffic lights. And it's not about the fear of catching Corona, but simply about the discomfort of having to present myself in front of so many people. When I was able to close the apartment door behind me, I realized how much energy this quick shopping trip had cost me.
The fact is: a huge number of people are sharing their fears and worries about the current situation on social media right now. This helped me enormously to realize that it is a much more widespread side effect of the pandemic than I previously thought. We all have to get used to this new situation, to the new-found freedoms. And just because it looks to the outside world as if all the people at Gärtnerplatz are thoroughly enjoying being together, that doesn't mean that some people aren't also working on getting used to this situation and feeling comfortable with it.
Social anxiety is completely normal, especially in the absolutely abnormal times we live in. Realizing this has made being outside noticeably easier for me. But in order to really enjoy life again this summer, I'm following a few more tips:
3. How to: Post-Lockdown Life with Social Anxiety
Take the pressure off! Your social life doesn't have to go from 0 to 100 just because there are more options for how to spend your free time. Don't compare your own activity with that of others around you. Everyone goes at their own pace and that's perfectly fine. So enjoy your me-time without feeling guilty, then you'll soon be able to look forward to going out again.
Trust your intuition! Consciously remove yourself from situations in which you feel overwhelmed, stressed and anxious. (I actually recommend this tip for every situation in life). If it's too much, then stay at home and have a nice day with yourself. How? Check out the next point.
Plan breathing breaks, keep your balance! Whatever gives you energy and peace, plan it into your week. A quiet walk in the evening, Netflix, relaxed cooking, taking a bath, tidying up, clearing out, finally implementing the home project from lockdown, and so on. If you are in balance with yourself, you also feel more comfortable around people.
Make use of breaks in the rain! Grab your umbrella and walk around the city, into the shops, sit in a covered café. With fewer people around you, you will certainly be able to enjoy your new freedom. And the next time the sun shines, you might feel like sitting somewhere comfortably yourself, even if there is more going on.
Invite people instead of going out! Bring your friends into your house or onto the balcony, host a small dinner party, a private cocktail tasting, or just sit together and have a nice chat.
Get it off your chest! Talk to your friends and family about how you feel. You'll probably find that many of your experiences are shared. We need to talk about how we're feeling right now. That's the only way we can somehow normalize the emotional state of the world.
4. Up and down, instead of up up up
Progress is not exponential growth. (For those who last heard the word "exponential" in high school, it's a line that moves steadily upward.) Progress goes up and down. Some days we feel better, and other days we feel like we're back to square one.
Accept your pace! No matter how much time you need, it's OK that you need it to get used to this new world again. Don't be so hard on yourself if you're having trouble adjusting. Be patient and take a look around. We all face the same challenge every day. The next time I feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed being around people, I'll look around and remind myself of exactly that. Are you with me?